i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
