Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
