yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
