So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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