Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
