she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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