You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
