You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize