What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize