he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
as a side note pls kill me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
