Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to stick my p in your. b.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize