The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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