At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
