Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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