Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
