she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i need an iv and a liver transplant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
