Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The air was thick with penises
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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