Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
