guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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