Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
