I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
