I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
