Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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