Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
