so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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