I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize