I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
