you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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