...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
