he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
