he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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