It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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