piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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