So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found your dick twin last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
