That's intense
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
