I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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