This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Screwed.edu
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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