I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
