so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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