Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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