All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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