hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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