If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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