Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
