he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
