Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
