We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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