I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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