Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize