I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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