she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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