the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
