Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
