Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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