I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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