Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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