I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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