Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
