last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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