I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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