Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
