just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize