dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
