so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize